Step 2: How to Find Sperm for LGBTQ+ Conception
If you’re in a same-sex relationship, a queer couple, or part of the LGBTQIA2+ community looking to grow your family, chances are—you’ll need to find sperm.
Seems simple enough, right?
Not so fast.
There are many routes you can take to get that magical baby juice, and each one comes with pros, cons, costs, and emotional considerations. In this post, I’ll walk you through the two main options: using a known sperm donor and purchasing sperm from a sperm bank—and everything in between.
Known Donor: Using Sperm from Someone You Know (or Meet)
This is the route my wife and I took—and let me tell you, it can be awkward, hilarious, beautiful, and complex all at once.
🔹 What Is a Known Donor?
A known donor is someone you know personally or meet with the intention of donating sperm. This could be:
• A friend or acquaintance
• A family member (with some legal/ethical considerations)
• Someone you connect with online through a donor registry or co-parenting site
🔹 Pros of Using a Known Donor
• Lower cost: No clinic fees, no vial fees, no shipping fees
• More control: You can build a relationship and ask questions directly
• Potential for openness: Your child may have the option to know their donor someday
• Fewer medical barriers: Once tested, you can inseminate at home if comfortable
🔹 Cons of Using a Known Donor
• Legal grey area: Without proper contracts, parental rights can get murky
• Awkward convos: It’s not always easy asking someone for their sperm
• Vulnerability: You may need to navigate boundaries, expectations, or emotional complications
🔹 Where to Find a Known Donor
You can ask someone you know, or try these LGBTQ+-friendly donor matching sites:
• KnownDonorRegistry.com (https://knowndonorregistry.com/)
• Co-ParentMatch.com (https://www.co-parentmatch.com/)
• PrideAngel.com (https://www.prideangel.com/)
• Coparents.com (https://www.coparents.com/)
✨ Tip: Always use a lawyer to draw up a sperm donor agreement to protect your family—especially if you’re doing home insemination or not going through a clinic.
Sperm Bank: Purchasing Donor Sperm Through a Clinic
If the idea of finding your own donor feels too risky or emotional, sperm banks are a more structured and medically vetted option.
🔹 How It Works
You choose a donor from a sperm bank’s database. You can sort by:
• Ethnicity
• Eye color, height, education
• Personality traits
• Medical history
• Donor’s willingness to be contacted in the future
Once selected, you purchase vials of sperm, which are shipped to a fertility clinic (or your home in some cases).
🔹 Pros of Using a Sperm Bank
• Legally protected: Donors sign contracts waiving parental rights
• Medically screened: You get health history, STD testing, genetic info
• Anonymous or open ID: You can choose your comfort level
• Convenient: The process is streamlined and clinic-led
🔹 Cons of Using a Sperm Bank
• Expensive: Vials range from $600 to $2,000+ (you usually need multiple)
• Less personal: You don’t meet the donor or build a relationship
• Shipping timelines: Timing insemination perfectly can be tricky
🔹 Reputable Sperm Banks to Consider
• Fairfax Cryobank (https://fairfaxcryobank.com/)
• Xytex (https://xytex.com/)
• Seattle Sperm Bank (https://www.seattlespermbank.com/)
• ReproMed (Canada) (https://www.repromed.ca/)
• CAN-AM Cryoservices (Canada) (https://www.canamcryo.com/)
Sperm Donor Comparison: Known Donor vs. Sperm Bank
| Factor | Known Donor | Sperm Bank |
|---|---|---|
| Cost | Low | High ($1,000–$5,000+ per cycle) |
| Legal Simplicity | Risky without contract | Clear legal protection |
| Emotional Dynamics | Personal, possibly complicated | Anonymous or semi-open |
| Medical Screening | You arrange testing | Thorough and clinic-handled |
| Donor Contact Later | Often possible | Varies by donor type (anonymous/open ID) |
Don’t Forget the Paperwork!
Whether you use a known donor or a sperm bank, you’ll want to:
• Draft a legal agreement (especially for known donors)
• Consult a fertility lawyer familiar with LGBTQ+ family building
• Get medical clearance for insemination, especially if using a clinic
• Understand parental rights in your country or province
Final Thoughts: Choose What Feels Right for You
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to finding sperm. The most important thing is that you and your partner feel safe, supported, and empowered in your decision.
Some couples love the intimacy of a known donor, others want the security and anonymity of a bank. Some use a mix of both over time!
Whatever path you take—you’re already doing the hardest part: showing up with intention and love.
👣 Missed Step 1?
Before diving into sperm donors and insemination, it’s so important to have the big, sometimes uncomfortable, conversations with your partner. If you haven’t already, check out Step 1: The Talks You Have to Have Before Starting Your LGBTQ+ Family (your-step-1-url-here). We cover timelines, money, who carries, family dynamics, and more—because solid communication is the real first step to making a baby.
