How Did You Make Your Babies? A Step-by-Step Guide to LGBTQ+ Conception
We get asked all the time:
“How did you and your wife conceive your kids?”
Well, friends, buckle up—because the answer isn’t short, but it’s worth the ride. Whether you’re in a same-sex relationship, navigating queer parenting, or just curious about non-traditional paths to parenthood, this is the guide I wish someone handed us when we started.
I’ve broken it all down into bite-sized steps with real talk, helpful resources, and things to consider so making babies doesn’t feel so complicated.
Step 1: The Must-Have Conversations Before Starting Your LGBTQ+ Family
Before you even think about sperm donors, fertility clinics, or ovulation tracking, you need to have some deep, sometimes tough, conversations with your partner. These aren’t the sexy parts of baby-making, but trust me—this emotional groundwork is crucial.
I recommend a cozy night with tea or wine, your favorite blanket, and zero distractions. You’re a team—these talks will help you show up for each other like one.
Here’s what to discuss:
1. what’S YOUR IDEAL FAMILY TIMELIne?
Ask yourselves:
• When do we want to start trying?
• How long are we willing to try?
• Are we okay with delays, setbacks, or fertility complications?
Important tip: Most people don’t conceive on the first try (even with help). It could take several months or even years. Be realistic and flexible with your expectations.
2. What’s Your Budget for Fertility Treatments?
Let’s talk money, honey. LGBTQ+ conception can get expensive fast.
Some potential costs:
• IUI (Intrauterine Insemination): $500–$4,000+ per cycle
• IVF (In Vitro Fertilization): $10,000–$20,000+
• Sperm banks: $600–$2,000 per vial (often 2–4 needed per cycle)
• Medications, supplements, ultrasounds, travel, legal fees…
If you’re in Canada, there’s partial coverage for some procedures, but you’ll likely still pay out-of-pocket for meds, testing, and dietary or lifestyle support.
3. How Will You Raise Your Child—Spiritually, Religiously, or Otherwise?
Do you want to raise your child with a specific religion, spirituality, or belief system? If you and your partner have different views, this is where you need to find common ground.
You don’t need to agree on everything, but you should align on how your child will be guided, so they’re not getting mixed messages at home.
4. Will Our Families Accept Our Child—and If Not, How Will We Cope?
This can be a heartbreaking topic for LGBTQ+ couples, but it’s a real one.
Ask yourselves:
• Will our families support us as queer parents?
• Will they embrace a child who isn’t biologically theirs?
• What boundaries need to be in place?
• How will we protect our child from homophobia or rejection?
If your family isn’t supportive, can you build a chosen family? A support system of affirming friends, allies, and community is everything.
5. Will Our Families Accept Our Child—and If Not, How Will We Cope?
For couples with two wombs, this question can be huge. Maybe both of you want to carry. Maybe neither does. Some things to consider:
• Age and fertility health
• Medical history
• Career and parental leave
• Emotional readiness
• Genetic connection
Options include:
• One partner carrying their own egg
• One partner carrying the other’s egg (Reciprocal IVF)
• Surrogacy
• Adoption
• Fostering
There’s no one right answer—only what’s right for you.
6. Do We Have a Support System in Place?
This journey is hard, even for the most emotionally prepared couples.
The reality:
• The two-week wait is brutal.
• Negative pregnancy tests hurt.
• Miscarriage is a real possibility.
Make sure you have emotional support outside your relationship. Think:
• Therapists
• LGBTQ+ parenting groups
• Online fertility communities
• Friends who’ve been through it
• Family you trust
You’ll need these people—during the hard parts and the celebrations.
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👉 Ready for the next step?
Step 2: How to Find Sperm for LGBTQ+ Conception (#) – From known donors to sperm banks, we’ll break down your options.
